How does the supermarket know I'm so special...

It's still a couple of weeks till my birthday but I got a birthday greeting in the post today. From my supermarket. So very touching... sorry if I sound a bit cynical, but really, it's nice of them to offer me a free box of chocolates (though in some ways it's the last thing I need...) but what narks me is the sentimental gibberish they put on the card: "Because you're really special, we'd like to make a fuss, by treating you to something sweet, especially on us." Well, really, I wouldn't have appreciated such twee mock-poetry from a friend, but from my supermarket? In what way exactly am I special to them? Do they particularly value the way I wheel my trolley round their aisles? Do they admire my own special way of choosing carrots?

But this is nothing compared to the pharmacy chain with whom I also hold one of those so-called loyalty cards (do they really think they can buy my loyalty by giving me one penny back on every pound I spend? I'm not that cheap!) - I hardly ever shop there, but I still get these ridiculous leaflets in the post with all sorts of money-off vouchers (usually for stuff that I have no interest in buying) which they claim to send me especially "as a valued customer". I look at those and think: aren't you confusing me with someone else? someone who actually spends more than the odd five pounds once in a blue moon when she's sort of stuck? I know for a fact that there are women out there who spend a small fortune regularly on make-up etc, so their "valued customer" threshold seems a bit low.

Thank God I don't need these corporations to give me a sense of value and of being special.

Loyalty? You've got to be joking!

I got a new so-called loyalty card in the post today. You know the cards I mean? The ones that give you points for shopping at a particular supermarket, or for spending your money at some other retailer that's part of the same set-up. They call them loyalty cards - at least here in the UK - because the idea is that the points are their way of thanking you for your loyalty to their retail chain. Well, really... Does anyone take this seriously? Does anyone really have a sense of loyalty to a supermarket chain?! How many loyalty cards has the average Brit got in their purse/wallet? I'm not so bad, I've got two... no, three actually, two supermarket chains and one rather well-known chain of pharmacies which does not need my free advertising. So, does this mean I feel more loyal to these chains? or that I would shop there deliberately in order to earn points? That would just be pathetic - at least, I would feel pathetic if I caught myself doing that, making a choice as to where to do my shopping based on their generosity in point allocation.

And the generosity is, of course, exaggerated. Not that they promise more than they give - it's just the way they phrase things. When you're promised an extra 250 points if you spend such-and-such by a certain date, it sounds good, doesn't it? Two hundred and fifty sounds like a lot, unless you do the maths and remind yourself that actually one point is worth one penny, so we're talking about £2.50, which is not really worth the extra purchase, is it?

One thing I'm pleased about though is that some of the chains have started offering key fobs - little tags that you can hang on your keyring and use if you are shopping and haven't got your loyalty card with you. Not that I want to hang this collection of supermarket advertisements on my keyring, but I do have two separate purses I use - one for my own spending money and one for the housekeeping (yes, I know how this sounds, but it is so much easier keeping to a budget this way) so obviously the loyalty cards live in the housekeeping purse, but I don't necessarily have it with me when I'm filling up with petrol. So what they call key fobs I'm using as spare cards - they will not dangle on my keyring, but they will sit snugly in my other purse and come out when required. It's a small thing maybe, but it's nice to feel that in some way you're beating the system...