I got a Christmas card today from someone I used to be quite close to in a previous existence, and was surprised to see that she had put three Xs by her signature. Goodness, I thought, I didn't think she liked me that much - I had the feeling she was just staying in touch on a minimal level, not very chatty, not emailing very frequently, only slightly warmer than mere politeness. So how come she signs my card with three kisses?
But then, some people do, don't they? Some will sign with three Xs as a matter of course, without even thinking that an X signifies a kiss and that a kiss signifies affection. And then on the other hand I know people who put a huge amount of thought into precisely how they sign each card or letter or email they send - am I close enough to this person to sign "with love"? should I just say "best wishes" or "regards"?
And once you know what someone is like in this respect, you know how to interpret what you receive from them. You know that for person A a three-X signature means nothing more than that they don't actually hate you, and you know that if person B signs "with love" they really like you a lot. The trouble is that a lot of the time we don't know, and it's so easy to misinterpret people's language.
A long long time ago in London, when I was at a very vulnerable point because I had come out of an extremely unhealthy relationship, I met an Irish guy and fell head over heels in love. In his company I felt as though I was the centre of his universe, so it was a bit of a let-down when I found that no, he wasn't leaving his girlfriend for me, he'd been perfectly happy to take me out and enjoy my company, he was happy to take me to his bed and to bring me a fresh chocolate croissant from the local bakery for breakfast, but that was it, nothing more. I was stunned. But then, through talking to other women, I learned that Irish guys simply have that gift of exuding warmth and making a woman feel as though she is the centre of their universe - it's nothing personal, it's not that there's something special about you, it's just the way they behave with women. Which, when you are surrounded by English guys, who tend to be much more reserved, can feel really nice, and can mislead you...
On the other hand, at the same time I was living with someone who was seeing an English guy and we joked between us about the card she got from him (a birthday card? I can't remember what the occasion was) which he had signed "with best wishes" - she was English but even by her standards that was a bit tepid for the level of intimacy between them...
Life seems such a minefield at times...
But then, some people do, don't they? Some will sign with three Xs as a matter of course, without even thinking that an X signifies a kiss and that a kiss signifies affection. And then on the other hand I know people who put a huge amount of thought into precisely how they sign each card or letter or email they send - am I close enough to this person to sign "with love"? should I just say "best wishes" or "regards"?
And once you know what someone is like in this respect, you know how to interpret what you receive from them. You know that for person A a three-X signature means nothing more than that they don't actually hate you, and you know that if person B signs "with love" they really like you a lot. The trouble is that a lot of the time we don't know, and it's so easy to misinterpret people's language.
A long long time ago in London, when I was at a very vulnerable point because I had come out of an extremely unhealthy relationship, I met an Irish guy and fell head over heels in love. In his company I felt as though I was the centre of his universe, so it was a bit of a let-down when I found that no, he wasn't leaving his girlfriend for me, he'd been perfectly happy to take me out and enjoy my company, he was happy to take me to his bed and to bring me a fresh chocolate croissant from the local bakery for breakfast, but that was it, nothing more. I was stunned. But then, through talking to other women, I learned that Irish guys simply have that gift of exuding warmth and making a woman feel as though she is the centre of their universe - it's nothing personal, it's not that there's something special about you, it's just the way they behave with women. Which, when you are surrounded by English guys, who tend to be much more reserved, can feel really nice, and can mislead you...
On the other hand, at the same time I was living with someone who was seeing an English guy and we joked between us about the card she got from him (a birthday card? I can't remember what the occasion was) which he had signed "with best wishes" - she was English but even by her standards that was a bit tepid for the level of intimacy between them...
Life seems such a minefield at times...
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