When I was a child I thought like a child... I looked forward to the time when I would be a grown-up at last and would be able to do whatever I liked. No adults to boss me around, tell me when to go to bed or when to get up, to make me do my homework or tidy up my room or comb my hair...
But looking back now, I can see how important it was that there were adults in my life who set boundaries for me, because a child doesn't know what's good for him and needs to be kept safe, to be protected from his own natural desires - a child wants to run and catch that ball, and needs to be forced to stay back and not get hit by a passing car. a child wants to explore - what would it be like sticking my fingers in those interesting-shaped holes in that plasticky thing on the wall? a child needs to be forced against his instincts not to stick his fingers in the electric socket, not to put his hand in the fire, not to do all sorts of things that seem really attractive but are seriously dangerous. Good parents do this not because they're spoilsports but because they care about their children.
A child also needs the adults to force him against his instincts to refrain from hitting his brothers and sisters, pulling their hair, stomping over their toys and dolls - a child needs to be taught that there are some things that are not acceptable behaviour. We like to think of children as sweet innocent little things, but the truth is that children do not need anyone to teach them to be nasty towards others - that, sadly, is something that comes naturally. So they need to be taught to curb that malicious instinct. Good parents do this not because they're spoilsports but because they want to bring the best out of their children, to discourage negative and destructive behaviour and encourage positive behaviour.
It took me a long time before I could see the same pattern with God - that he is not some big spoilsport in the sky who seeks to stop our fun, but neither is he a stupid, uncaring, irresponsible parent who would just let his kids poke their hands in the electric sockets and pull their sisters' hair and kick the cat without telling them not to do that.
The fact that we are very good at not listening, or at hearing him but going our own sweet way because we feel we know best or because whatever-it-is seems so attractive that we put our fingers in our ears and say la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you - that's what we humans are like, and God in his amazing love and mercy still goes on loving us, as good parents do when faced with teenage rebellion... the kids that you nurtured suddenly turning against you, yelling "I hate you" and slamming the door in your face, doing all the things you've told them not to do - a good parent carries on loving them despite their appalling behaviour.
A good, responsible and caring and wise parent does not say: do whatever you like, it's ok. Therapists and counsellors in later years pick up the pieces of such parenting - because the message a kid gets through this, even though it isn't at all what the parents intend, is: I'm not valued, they don't care about me enough to keep trying to protect me, they don't care what happens to me.
A good, responsible and caring and wise parent says: the way you are behaving is not ok, but I still love you anyway.
That's the kind of parent God is. He cares. He cares enough to put boundaries round us, even though he knows we will continue breaking them. He cares enough to keep loving us despite our rebellious behaviour. He cares enough to always want us back, no matter what we've done.
He's not the type of parent who will say: oh, what you did doesn't matter. He's not going to beat around the bush, pretend that you hadn't broken his heart by causing so much damage to yourself and to others around you. What he will say is: I'm so glad you've realised and that you've come back - now I can clean you up from all the muck that has stuck to you along the way, I can bind your wounds, I can start work on healing you. Oh, and I've paid your debts, down to the last penny.
But looking back now, I can see how important it was that there were adults in my life who set boundaries for me, because a child doesn't know what's good for him and needs to be kept safe, to be protected from his own natural desires - a child wants to run and catch that ball, and needs to be forced to stay back and not get hit by a passing car. a child wants to explore - what would it be like sticking my fingers in those interesting-shaped holes in that plasticky thing on the wall? a child needs to be forced against his instincts not to stick his fingers in the electric socket, not to put his hand in the fire, not to do all sorts of things that seem really attractive but are seriously dangerous. Good parents do this not because they're spoilsports but because they care about their children.
A child also needs the adults to force him against his instincts to refrain from hitting his brothers and sisters, pulling their hair, stomping over their toys and dolls - a child needs to be taught that there are some things that are not acceptable behaviour. We like to think of children as sweet innocent little things, but the truth is that children do not need anyone to teach them to be nasty towards others - that, sadly, is something that comes naturally. So they need to be taught to curb that malicious instinct. Good parents do this not because they're spoilsports but because they want to bring the best out of their children, to discourage negative and destructive behaviour and encourage positive behaviour.
It took me a long time before I could see the same pattern with God - that he is not some big spoilsport in the sky who seeks to stop our fun, but neither is he a stupid, uncaring, irresponsible parent who would just let his kids poke their hands in the electric sockets and pull their sisters' hair and kick the cat without telling them not to do that.
The fact that we are very good at not listening, or at hearing him but going our own sweet way because we feel we know best or because whatever-it-is seems so attractive that we put our fingers in our ears and say la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you - that's what we humans are like, and God in his amazing love and mercy still goes on loving us, as good parents do when faced with teenage rebellion... the kids that you nurtured suddenly turning against you, yelling "I hate you" and slamming the door in your face, doing all the things you've told them not to do - a good parent carries on loving them despite their appalling behaviour.
A good, responsible and caring and wise parent does not say: do whatever you like, it's ok. Therapists and counsellors in later years pick up the pieces of such parenting - because the message a kid gets through this, even though it isn't at all what the parents intend, is: I'm not valued, they don't care about me enough to keep trying to protect me, they don't care what happens to me.
A good, responsible and caring and wise parent says: the way you are behaving is not ok, but I still love you anyway.
That's the kind of parent God is. He cares. He cares enough to put boundaries round us, even though he knows we will continue breaking them. He cares enough to keep loving us despite our rebellious behaviour. He cares enough to always want us back, no matter what we've done.
He's not the type of parent who will say: oh, what you did doesn't matter. He's not going to beat around the bush, pretend that you hadn't broken his heart by causing so much damage to yourself and to others around you. What he will say is: I'm so glad you've realised and that you've come back - now I can clean you up from all the muck that has stuck to you along the way, I can bind your wounds, I can start work on healing you. Oh, and I've paid your debts, down to the last penny.
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